


The Legend of Lilili Yabbay

by My_Alter_Ego17



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Canon with Mystery Elements, Coming of Age, Fantasy, Fluff, Gen, Growing Up, Lee Chan | Dino birthday fic, Lee Chan | Dino-centric, Moon Cult, Moon Goddess - Freeform, Mystery, Platonic Cuddling, fairytale reading, family metaphor, fictional korean myth, performance unit-centric, takes part in 2017 but for some reason they all act like babies, this sounds a little like a story for children i guess?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-08-22 18:47:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16603532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Alter_Ego17/pseuds/My_Alter_Ego17
Summary: Every month, the night before full moon, Soonyoung reads a story to Chan. The old myth has twelve chapters, one for each month, and every child in Korea knows it. But how does the legend of the twelve brothers connect to Seventeen, and to Chan's own life?A fic for Lee Chan's birthday!





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story about growing up, and you can't really grow up when you're already an adult, so the characters might seem a little childish at times - especially Chan. Although this is set in an "idolverse" where Seventeen are a group under Pledis, it's not a realistic story and should be read like a fairytale or a children's book. Some things probably seem strange in the beginning, but please bear with me! It's all supposed to come together in the end.

End of January 2017

 

Chan was lying on his side in his bunk bed and peeked out under the railing that prevented him from falling if he moved too much at night. He had his blanket pulled up under his chin and held in his arms an old stuffed animal he had taken with him when he left home four years ago. On the other bunk bed, Minghao had somehow shoved his legs through the gap under the railing and was swinging his feet. Chan was impressed. Even if he managed to push his legs through the gap, his thighs would never fit. Not that he didn’t like his thighs, but Minghao was impressive. Jun was lying on his back in the bunk bed under him, his feet pushed against the underside of Minghao’s mattress, legs wide apart over his head that was hanging from the bed, while he analysed the pattern of Minghao’s socks. His voice sounded weirdly throaty from the strange position his neck was in and Chan had a nice view of his upside-down face. Every now and then, he lifted his arm to tickle Minghao’s feet, who was quick to kick them up and out of his reach. Jun’s position looked everything but comfortable, but Chan had stopped questioning his strange behaviour a long time ago. He was a little crazy, but a great friend, which you could, put like that, apply to all of Chan’s band members. They were a bunch of weirdos, but also the best friends you could ask for, and they were Chan’s family.

On the bottom end of Chan’s bed sat a giggling Soonyoung. He had his feet propped up on the ladder and an ancient and dignified looking book on his lap. “Jun, you’re ridiculous!”, he laughed, “I don’t think the stripes have a deeper meaning. Now shut up if you want to hear the story. Chan and I already know it.” “I still want to hear it again”, Chan interfered, “the last time I heard it, I was still a child.” The book was bound in thick, worn leather and adorned with old characters and colourful jewels. If you took a closer look, you could notice from the small cracks in the smooth surface and the traces of glue that it was fake leather and coloured glass. The grey lines and spots on the yellowed paper were too regular and decorative, and the imitation of a cursive handwriting, intricate and pretty, was in Hangul. The book was not just as old as it pretended to be. Chan still thought it was beautiful, fake, but pretty in a fairytale kind of way. Besides, the myth was as old as the Korean language itself. It deserved to be written in that kind of book. After the two boys on the other bed had calmed down, Soonyoung began to read.

 

_The Legend of the Twelve Brothers_

_The moon goddess Lilili Yabbay is not like the gods of light, of storms, of fire and of the sea, she does not flaunt her power. She does not intimidate humans, and one has to be brave enough to go outside if one wants to see her in all her beauty. One cannot fear the darkness or the loneliness of long full moon nights nor the old tales. She is calm, gentle and pale, and yet she is more powerful than all the other gods: she rules over time. As she does not like to enslave people and as she only takes offerings that are given to her by choice and with joy, those who serve her have always been few. She is lonely, and she wishes for someone to dance with her, shining white in her light..._

_This is the story of twelve brothers who loved music, nights and the moon, so much that the moon itself fell in love with them. It is due to them we have now our year with twelve months. The ritual they carried through is hard and dangerous. It demands absolute dedication. This is the last artifact of the Lilili Yabbay cult._

 


	2. January

_The first brother_

_When the brothers' parents were still alive, the oldest had always been the one who was responsible for his brothers when their parents were away. Ever since their death, he made sure that his brothers had enough to eat and went to sleep early. Although he was only the oldest by a few months, he looked more grown-up than his brothers. He was the first to grow a beard, he had broad shoulders, strong arms and a deep, rich voice he used to break up fights between his brothers and speak to others for the whole group. Even if he gave them much work, his brothers respected and obeyed him, for he was not only strong and wise, but also gentle, and he looked after them well. He had made a promise to his parents to protect their children from all evil, and he didn’t hesitate to put himself in danger if necessary. He was fond of each of them and he took the time to listen to them when they needed his help, but he could not deny that he had a soft spot for some of his siblings. He trusted the second and third brother a little more than the others, he liked to put the twelfth brother to bed the most and he let the seventh brother get away with many things._

_He worried for his siblings, so he was the first to climb the hill and dance for the goddess in the full moon’s light. He had been against trying the ritual, but the younger ones had been so excited, and he had a hard time refusing the second brother’s wish. He was not the best dancer, but he gave his all not to let his brothers’ sacrifice be in vain, until he finally fell down from exhaustion in the early morning hours there on the hill in the grass._

 

After a moment of silence, Soonyoung closed the book. Jun let himself drop to the side, sat up straight again and gave Soonyoung a confused look. Chan smiled. “That was all?”, Minghao asked. “Yes, that was all, for now”, Soonyoung confirmed, “Channie, would you like to explain it to them?” Chan sat up against the wall and began: “You have to read the story in small pieces. There's one brother for each month, and you only read one chapter out loud every month. It takes one year to get through the book.” “And what about this weird goddess with the impossible to pronounce name?” Jun asked. “The moon goddess”, Chan answered, “She wants you to dance with her. That means going out by yourself when there's a full moon and dancing alone in the moonlight.” “What does cult mean?”, Minghao wanted to know. Chan explained it to him as well as he could, but he didn't recall the whole story. He was smiling while he answered their questions. He liked the feeling of knowing what things were about. Since he came here, he had always been one of the youngest. Although he had been more independent than the Chinese boys, he was usually babied by everyone else. Chan liked being the centre of attention. He enjoyed the attention he received as the maknae, but he also wanted to be taken seriously. The dancers were where he felt the most respected, maybe because he had been dancing for longer than all of them. In any case, it was nice to be the grown-up one for a change.

The next day, they all had lunch together. Mingyu had cooked for everyone, although there was no special occasion, as far as Chan knew. In the afternoon, when the sun began to set, they put on their warm clothes and made their way to the rooftop of the Pledis building. Jeonghan led the way, holding Seungcheol’s hand, and Jisoo trailed after Wonwoo and Mingyu. Soonyoung stayed with his boys, but refused to explain anything. Jun and Minghao were talking something only they could understand, and suddenly Chan felt very small. On the roof, Jihoon put together a sound system. A stomping bass could be heard. It was already getting dark and Chan could see the lights of the city under him. Seungcheol was wearing white sweatpants and a white quilted jacket that, as far as Chan new, actually belonged to Jisoo. He looked somehow pale. When the sun set, Seungcheol began to rock on his toes. They stood in a circle around him and watched as he gradually moved a little more. Chan looked around and noticed that Jeonghan and Jisoo were holding hands. Wonwoo and Mingyu stood behind Seungkwan and Hansol and Minghao was leaning on Jun’s chest. Chan gave Soonyoung next to him a questioning look, but instead of an answer he only put his arm around his shoulders.

Snow began to fall. Jihoon put a plastic cover on the speakers. Chan didn’t know what kind of music it was that he was playing, but it made him lose any sense of time. The moon had already risen some time ago, full, round and bright, and every time Chan looked for it, it was a little higher than he expected. Slowly, Seungcheol’s movements had become bigger, more spaced and free, until he was dancing on the roof in the snow. His eyes were closed and he was caught up in the driving bass of the strange unearthly music. After maybe ten minutes or maybe three hours, Minghao began to shiver next to him. Jun opened his jacket to let him snuggle up to him. Next, Jeonghan started to jump up and down to warm himself up, Wonwoo had buried his hands deep in his sleeves and slowly, Chan lost feeling in the tip of his nose. Seungcheol was not pale anymore at all, his cheeks had reddened and contrasted his white clothes. At some point, without stopping the flow of his movement, he opened his jacket, and if Chan saw it right, there was steam coming from his chest. Soonyoung didn’t react to the confused looks Chan shot his way and slowly he became more and more scared. At the same time, he could feel himself grow tired. He leaned heavier on Soonyoung’s shoulder and started to shiver. Then, the full moon hadn’t reached its peak yet, Soonyoung let go of his shoulders to go to Mingyu and talk to him quietly. Shortly after, Mingyu took Chan by the hand and took him downstairs. Seungkwan, Hansol and Minghao were with them, and Chan wasn’t very surprised when Minghao began to bicker with Mingyu as soon as Soonyoung had loaded them in the elevator. Downstairs, Mingyu looked after Hansol and Seungkwan, while Minghao helped Chan to take off his jacket and tucked him in, and maybe Chan was already dreaming when he saw him grab Junhui’s hoodie and quietly close the door behind him.

When Chan woke up the next day, the sun was already up high. The two lower beds were still empty – or was it again? Only Minghao was there, looking like a shallow mountain range under his pile of blankets and pillows and stolen hoodies. After yawning and stretching a little, Chan pulled the covers back over his head. What had actually happened yesterday? The first memory to come up was the hammering bass, then the cold, the snow and the full moon. When he remembered Seungcheol, he abruptly sat up. Had the danced through the whole night? Quietly, Chan climbed down the ladder and went to look for the others. The apartment was quiet, only Soonyoung, Jihoon and Junhui were in the kitchen. They had dark circles under their eyes and were cooking instant ramen in silence. Soonyoung and Jun hugged Chan. When he asked were the others were, Jihoon gave a tired shrug and pointed to the bedrooms. So Chan refrained from further questions, sat down at the table and waited for the food to be finished. Most of his friends slept through the day, and it took them a few more days to recover, so Chan played with Seungkwan and let the hyungs sleep.

 


	3. February

_The second brother_

_It had been the second eldest brother’s idea to perform the ritual, for he worshipped the moon goddess and loved the night. He was very different from his older brother, he didn’t like detailed plans and he welcomed surprises, liked to go with the flow and wait for whatever life had prepared for him. He enjoyed everything that had no other purpose than existing. Beauty was his passion. He himself was as lovely as a clear summer night and his hair shone like the silver fishes in the nearby river. He knew of his enchanting beauty and often looked at his reflection on the surface of the small pond for hours, but he never was arrogant. He was happy that others admired him, and he spread his happiness amongst everyone he met. He adored his brothers and he never got tired of showing it. When one of them was more quiet than usually or behaved different, he was the first to notice. Then he would approach his little brother, embrace him and whisper in his ear that he was there for him. His smile lightened the hard working days. But when he felt like he didn’t get enough attention, he often got moody and jealous, so his brothers had to tell him again and again that he was the most handsome and the best._

_It was not the first time he danced naked on the hill, and the goddess had long fallen for him. He danced with a happy laugh on his lips, knowing that his friend, the moon goddess, loved to play with her rays in his long hair._

 

“That sounds like Jeonghan”, Minghao stated cheekily, “Vain and possessive, but sweet.” “But he’s not just vain and possessive!”, Chan protested, “he’s also intelligent, creative and pretty. And he looks after the others.” “That sounds even more like Jeonghan”, Jun threw in. Soonyoung only smiled and caressed the book’s cover. Tomorrow it was going to be full moon again, and Chan felt a little excitement and a little fear bubble up in his stomach, although he didn't know if anything was going to happen at all. But it had been an exhausting day, the dancers had worked until late. So they didn’t ask any more questions, settled for Soonyoung’s knowing smile and waited for sleep to come to them.

The next day, they all came together on the roof again. This time, Jeonghan wore Jisoo’s white jacket, a fluffy white pullover and Seungcheol’s sweatpants. He also wore a green beanie, nibbled on something and excitedly talked to Jisoo. When he finished eating, he downed half a bottle of water and skipped over to Chan. “Whose baby are you?”, he asked and gave a pleased grin when he succumbed to his fate and answered “Jeonghan hyung’s baby”. Something about his light mood seemed off, although he wasn’t the type to lie about this kind of things. Then, he threw his arms around Jun’s neck and hung off him, and while Jun grinned and lifted him up on his arms, Chan decided that Jeonghan had to be extremely nervous. Usually, he would never do that.

The sun was slowly creeping behind the horizon. Jun put Jeonghan down on his white sneakers and stepped back. Jeonghan pulled his hat off and threw it at Seungcheol. They formed a circle and someone had switched the strange music on again. When the pale disc of the moon became visible, Jeonghan began to move, first only slightly, and when it slowly started to look like a dance, Chan again was mesmerized by the music. Jeonghan’s movements were far from perfection. As a practised dancer, Chan could see every slight flaw. He could see that Jeonghan wasn’t used to dancing something different from their set choreography, but he looked like he was fully giving in to the music and forgetting all of his surroundings. A happy, relaxed smile was on his lips, his eyes were closed and he was completely absorbed in his dancing, and although Chan was scared, he found it beautiful.

Chan hadn’t noticed how time went by and suddenly the full moon behind Jeonghan was high on the night sky. Soonyoung’s and Minghao’s voices had pulled him out of his trance. “That's not fair!”, Minghao complained quietly, “Mingyu is allowed to stay! Last time we were here, I made it even longer than him!” “Yes, you did, even though I had told you to go to bed. But you just came up here again!”, Soonyoung pointed out. “What stupid kind of division is that anyway?”, Minghao wanted to know, “Why am I part of the baby line?” “I never said you were babies”, Soonyoung sighed, “I'm just worried for your health is all. You’re going to catch a cold, you’re so skinny!” Minghao snorted: “Mingyu catches colds much more easily! I’m only going to sleep when Mingyu goes. It’s not my fault I’m skinny!” Chan didn’t understand why he struggled so much. He had just noticed he couldn’t feel his toes anymore, and he was longing for his bed. Soonyoung hesitated, then he nodded: “But you have to take the younger ones to their beds. And put on some warmer clothes!” So Chan, Hansol and Seungkwan went on their way down to the bedrooms with Minghao, who made sure they brushed their teeth, tucked Chan in and went to the door. Wasn’t he forgetting something? “Hao?”, Chan asked. He turned back around: “Yes?” You were supposed to put on some more clothes”, he explained tiredly, “Take my jacket.” Maybe it wasn’t as fancy as Minghao’s light coat, but it was warm and soft. When the other nodded, Chan pulled the covers over his head and went to sleep.

He woke up a few hours later when Soonyoung pushed the door shut behind himself. Jun stood in the middle of the room, carrying Minghao on his back, who was shivering despite the heat in their room. Chan watched as Soonyoung freed the thin dancer of his clothes and pulled his pyjamas on while Jun held him upright and he muttered something unintelligible. They were quietly debating if it was safe to put him in his own bed in his cold state. “I can't warm him up, I’m too cold myself”, Jun explained. Chan sat up. “He can sleep with me”, he suggested. His bed was nice and warm, and he didn’t want his friend to become ill. Soonyoung looked up in surprise, then nodded gratefully. Chan made room in his bed, took Minghao from Jun’s arms and pulled the covers over both of them. Minghao slowly turned over, scooted closer and slung his arms around him. Under them, Soonyoung tripped mid-changing his pants. Jun caught him right before he could crash face-first onto the floor. Then he switched off the light and they cuddled up in Jun’s bed. When Minghao in his arms stopped shivering, Chan also went back to sleep.

There was bright daylight in their room when Chan awoke for the next time. The sun was shining through their window and the bottom bunk was empty. Carefully, Chan pulled his arm out from under Minghao’s small waist, tucked him in again and quietly climbed down the ladder. Again, he found the two older boys in the kitchen, where Jun cooked with Soonyoung’s help. Apparently, they were once again the only ones awake. Chan backhugged Jun, stroked Soonyoung’s back and took the knife from his hand. “Let me cut that up”, he offered. Soonyoung smiled and ruffled his hair and Chan felt very small, but Soonyoung looked so tired that Chan wanted to help him.

After one day of rest, the dancers were expected to function and work on their choreography once again. Chan himself felt well-rested, but he remembered that only Minghao had slept through the most part of the day. When he watched Soonyoung, he noticed that his movements were less fluid, and Jun’s style lacked some of its usual power. So that day he suggested taking a break more often and fetched water for all of them without being asked. Later he checked on Jeonghan, who had caught a cold but seemed very satisfied. From now on, Chan paid more attention to his friends’ behaviour, and he noticed when one of them was weak. Before, he hadn’t realised it that much. After all, he spoke up when he wasn’t feeling well. It hadn’t even occurred to him that the others could pretend they were all right because they didn’t want to slow down the whole group. Now, he saw the telltale signs of exhaustion and offered his help when someone was struggling.

 


	4. March

_The third brother_

_The third brother also looked after the younger ones well. He was a calm and patient person, gentle and quiet, and his family was more important to him than his own success. He often stood back to let his brothers make their own experiences, but if one of them overestimated himself and got hurt, he was there to comfort and help. When one of the brothers needed someone who listened without scolding, they came to him, for he was understanding and unburdened. He didn't judge easily and he believed in the good in everything. When the ninth brother had broken something, he would first come to him and ask him to put in a good word for him with the first brother. But he also was always open to his siblings' mischief, games and funny ideas. His quiet voice and soft features easily concealed that he gladly took part in pranks – as long as they didn't go against the older ones who he was especially close with. He was the fifth, eighth and eleventh brothers' favourite accomplice and audience for their plans. He liked all kinds of games, especially word games, as he loved to juggle with words, and he only ever called them out when they took it too far. You could easily miss the mischievous sparkle in his gentle eyes._

_He didn’t believe in the ancient gods nor did he want to honour them. Instead, he made his sacrifice to his beloved brother. The moon goddess was impressed by his persistence and his loyalty, so she gave him her blessing in the end._

 

“And that's Jisoo?”, Jun wanted to know as soon as Soonyoung had closed the book. “It can’t possibly be Jisoo, because the story has existed for longer than Jisoo has”, Chan objected. “It does sound like Jisoo”, Minghao agreed, “You really can tell him anything. Soonyoung, will Jisoo dance on the rooftop tomorrow?” Soonyoung hesitated, then he answered: “Yes, Jisoo will dance tomorrow.” “Because he’s the third eldest?”, Jun asked, “does that mean next month is my turn?” Soonyoung nodded. Minghao kicked the air and barely missed Jun’s head, which made Soonyoung and Chan laugh and Jun sulk. The culprit just shrugged and giggled. “So all of us, in age order, have to dance for one night until we fall over?”, he questioned. “Until we can’t go on any more”, Soonyoung confirmed, “or until sunrise.” Jun pulled his shoulders up and shivered. “Just for the record”, Chan interjected, “We’re doing this spooky ritual?” Soonyoung nodded with shining eyes: “Isn’t that exciting?” Minghao giggled again: “It’s thrilling, that’s for sure. But why do the three oldest brothers match with our hyungs so well? Wasn’t the first brother a dad type, too?” Soonyoung shrugged: “That seems a little strange to me, too.”

When they all formed a circle around Jisoo the next evening, Chan was already less afraid. Jisoo, too, was wearing his jacket and Seungcheol’s pants, although it was notably warmer than a month ago, when several of them had caught a cold: Seungkwan, Wonwoo and Jeonghan, but not Minghao, which filled him, Chan, Jun and Soonyoung all the same with pride. This time, Soonyoung had ordered each of them to wear sweatpants over their jeans and an extra pullover under their jackets, so they were all warm and snug. Chan wasn’t startled when the hammering rhythm of the strange music started, but watched anxiously as Jisoo unsurely began to move. It took him much longer than Jeonghan to find a confident step and loosen up, as if he had needed the time to make sure he wasn’t doing something wrong. After some time Soonyoung, Seokmin and Seungkwan’s whispering faded, and Jihoon and Mingyu directed their eyes forward. Chan still refused to be drawn in by the scene in order to watch the others. Next to him, Minghao was wiggling his legs as if he had a hard time withstanding the urge to join Jisoo’s dancing. Jun seemed to be spaced out, he was staring at Jisoo wide-eyed and open-mouthed. Hansol and Wonwoo at his sides mirrored his expression. Seungcheol had wrapped his arms protectively around Jeonghan, who was clutching his hands and looking anxious. Chan let his gaze travel back to Jisoo, who now had also closed his eyes and was showing a content smile. When Chan suddenly felt Soonyoung’s hand on his shoulder, he hadn’t even seen the movement. “Come on, let’s go to bed”, he whispered. Chan shuddered for a moment. Then he turned around and asked: “What about the others?” “Hansol and Seungkwan want to stay until the end today”, Soonyoung explained. “What about you?”, Chan wanted to know, “Don’t you want to stay?” Soonyoung shook his head. On the way down, he explained: “I don’t worry about Jisoo. He knows how much he can take. But I’ve told them to wake me up when it’s over so I can help.” “Can you wake me up, too?”, Chan asked. Soonyoung seemed surprised, but said yes.

It was still pitch-dark when he shook Chan awake. Minghao, who had raced down to wake Soonyoung up, helped him put on his jacket, gripped his hand and led him out. Seungcheol was carrying Jisoo on his arms, who apparently didn’t have the strength to hold on to him. He smiled at Chan tiredly and pointed in the elevator’s direction with his head: “Go help the others. Hansol has fallen asleep sitting up and Seungkwan decided to join him.” By then, it was freezing on the rooftop. The full moon was hanging right above the city’s lights, already fading at the bottom, and the silence was eerie. Hansol and Seungkwan really were asleep on the floor, propped up against each other. Jihoon was dismantling the sound system with erratic movements and a shivering Jeonghan was clinging to Mingyu, who like Minghao and Seokmin had taken a nap the afternoon before. Jun had Wonwoo on his back. His eyes were already half closed and his face was burrowed in his friend’s neck as he was carried to the elevator. Minghao let Jihoon push a few speakers and some tangled cables into his hands and followed them. Seokmin motioned for Chan to come over. “You’ll become ill if you stay there!”, Chan heard him shout before he managed to pull Seungkwan, who didn’t show much initiative, to his feet. Then he let him climb on his back. “Can you manage Hansol on your own?”, he asked. Chan nodded and pulled on his friend’s gloved hands. After he had convinced him to hold on to his back, he made his way back down. Fortunately, he woke up a little more on their way to the hip hop unit’s room so he didn’t need help with changing and Chan could go back to his own bed. There, he slept through half of the day until he was woken up by the delicious smell of Mingyu’s food.

In the following quiet hours of the day, Chan thought about what Soonyoung had said the night before: He wasn’t concerned about Jisoo because he knew himself how much he could take. Soonyoung, who often worried for his friends despite his sometimes rough behaviour, was suddenly a lot more relaxed when it came to Jisoo. Jisoo wasn’t even the oldest or strongest. Still, he sometimes seemed like he was above things, as if he was more of an adult than Jeonghan and Seungcheol. Maybe it had something to do with his childhood – as he had grown up in the USA, he had learned a few things not all children in Korea knew – or maybe because his family was so far away – but on the other had, Jun sometimes behaved like a baby, and his parents weren’t exactly nearby either. Maybe it was irrational, but Chan would rather leave Jisoo on his own than Jeonghan. He went to look for Soonyoung, who was sprawled out on the couch in the living room. After he had settled down facing him and was sure of his attention, he asked: “Why do you worry for Seungcheol, but not for Jisoo?” Soonyoung squinted: “What?” “It's something you said last night”, Chan reminded him, “You said he knows himself how much he can take.” “Ah”, Soonyoung made, “Jisoo knows when it’s enough. Jeonghan doesn’t always, he likes to go too far, especially if he thinks something is fun or when he’s simply convinced it’s the right thing. Jisoo likes to fool around, too, but he always stops before something bad happens to him or someone else. Seungcheol is different, he always wants to please everyone, but he doesn’t look after himself enough.” “Is that why Jisoo seems more grown up than the others?”, Chan wanted to know. “Probably”, Soonyoung mused, “It’s definitely important to know your own abilities and their limits. Look, Minghao for example likes to overestimate himself, and you and I aren't exactly better. If I could sometimes call it a day sooner, we wouldn’t be sore that often, so we could work the same amount every day and get on with choreography more evenly. Don’t you think we should learn how to estimate our own strength better?” Chan agreed. Together, they decided to stop and listen to their bodies more often to get a better feeling of how much they could do and avoid pushing the dancers to complete exhaustion.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm sorry I made you guys wait for so long. I started my first job and it's a lot more stressful than I expected it to be. Hopefully, I will get used to it soon. So, as soon as I can, I will try to catch up with updates twice a week!


	5. April

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm still alive! I'm sorry this took so long again, and at this point we all know it won't be finished by Chan's birthday, but I promise I will finish it eventually!

_The fourth brother_

_The fourth brother, too, enjoyed looking after his siblings, and the three oldest brothers often trusted him with the younger ones. He was big and strong, not least because he liked to be outside and move, run and practise fighting. His sharp features and gaze made him seem cool and dangerous to strangers, but he was actually very different. He was a happy and friendly person who usually displayed a blinding smile and was good at cheering others up. Although he didn’t talk much, he expressed his affection towards his siblings through small gestures and touches. That was why the sixth and seventh brother enjoyed his company. He sat in silence with them so they didn’t feel lonely when they read their books. He also liked to listen to them, but they could never be sure of his attention. Often enough, his thoughts would wander around and travel to far lands, and if you were to talk to him then, you wouldn’t get an answer. He wasn’t grounded when his strong body wasn’t moving with energetic strikes in his practise fights with the fifth or the tenth brother. Sometimes he couldn’t resist any longer, disappeared for a few days, struggled with the wilderness on his own and came back with tanned skin and a few fresh scars. When he went on his trips, even the third brother worried about him, although he understood his need to see the world. But the fourth brother knew well how to look after himself. Only the tenth brother sometimes asked to take him with him, and even though he wanted nothing more than to keep his little brother safe, he often let him come with him, for he knew bis brother needed the freedom._

_The fourth brother also was an old friend of the moon goddess, as she often was his only company when he slept under the stars. She had seen him fighting against wild animals, but she found him even more beautiful dancing in her white light that made his skin glow._

  
  


“This one doesn’t fit Jun that well”, Minghao mused. For this reading session, all of them had cuddled up together on the bottom bunk bed. Soonyoung was sitting up against the wall so the younger ones could lean on his shoulders. Jun had pulled a blanket over his head and was peeking out tentatively. Now, his hand sneaked out to poke Minghao’s side: “Yes, it does! You just have to use your imagination. I’m good at sports, and I can do wushu, too. And I’m handsome. And do you know who’s the tenth brother?”, Minghao was poked again, “You! We do sometimes go out together!” “Yes”, Minghao gave in after he had calculated on his fingers, “But we go out for food, not to fight for survival in the wilderness.” “That aside, you also do dream all the time and there’s no way to get through to you”, Soonyoung complained. “Hey!”, Jun made and pushed his blanket back to show he was pulling a face, “You two are mean! You were supposed to support me.” Soonyoung mussed up his hair and Minghao pushed his pouted lower lip back in with his thumb. Chan couldn’t help but smile. Jun behaved as if he was not the oldest, but the youngest out of the four of them, and nobody was fazed. To Minghao and Soonyoung, it was fun. But if Jun was the maknae, who could Chan be?

When they came together on the rooftop the next day, the atmosphere was very different from the last times. They had just had dinner so they were full and satisfied, spring was in the air and they wore their jackets open. Soonyoung had insisted that Minghao and Chan had to take at least one additional jacket with them, and he carried umbrellas for all three of them. Jun, in contrary, only wore a white tank top that belonged to Minghao and shorts. He was shivering a little, but he said he was going to warm up when he danced. Now, he snuggled up to Wonwoo inside his padded coat, whispering to him in such a speed Chan didn’t know how anyone could decipher what he was saying. Wonwoo was quietly chuckling and whispering back, so Chan supposed he could understand him. Jeonghan came over to kiss Jun on the cheek, which made him go pink and Minghao laugh at him, only to hug him tightly when he pouted. Jihoon joined them to tell him not to overexert himself with worry visible on his face. When the sun went to disappear behind the horizon, Chan slung his arms around Jun’s waist, squeezed and gave him a pat on the back. Soonyoung pushed a button on the stereo system and showed Jun a thumbs up.

At first, Jun seemed tense and anxious. He wasn’t used to being the centre of attention, so he looked out of his depth. Chan could see how much effort it took him to hold back. To save their strength wasn’t something they practised – for concerts, they gave their all, ran on pure adrenaline and usually didn’t even realise how exhausted they were until the next day, and it was important to invest just as much strength in practise. After a while, his muscles loosened up and his typical boyish grin spread on his face like it only did when he wasn’t camera-conscious. He didn’t look like he was performing a challenging task, he was visibly enjoying himself. Again, Chan felt like he wanted to stay here and watch forever. He felt the music deep in his body and his eyes stayed fixed on Jun’s powerful movements. When he tore his eyes away for a moment, he saw that the moon was already nearing its highest point and he had, again, lost track of time. Not wanting to get carried away again, he focused on the human in front of him, the telltale signs of exertion, the droplets of sweat on his temples and the apparent clench of his jaw muscles. Jun had lost all restraint, he danced, jumped and spun like no tomorrow, and Chan couldn’t help but wonder how long he would be able to keep that up. On his face, a focused expression had taken the grin’s place and his eyes appeared to be looking into another world. Chan worried about his friend. The day after the other’s dances, he hadn’t even caught sight of them, and during training they were not even capable of wearing themselves out as much as Jun.

He shook his head, turned to the left and eyed Minghao, who was chewing on his lower lip and had his fists clenched at his sides. Chan took his hand and squeezed it. Jeonghan looked less frightened and more content his time, he was immersed in watching the dancer with a soft smile. Wonwoo seemed relaxed, but more alert than usually. He was leaned up against Mingyu’s shoulder with his eyes wide open not to miss anything. Soonyoung, who had draped his arm around Jihoon’s shoulders, showed nothing but pride. He was beaming and rocking on his feet, while Jihoon smiled like a child on Christmas. Chan allowed himself to be drawn in by the atmosphere.

It was maybe around four in the morning and noticeably colder when it began to rain. By then, Junhui’s movements had become erratic and less precise, the exhaustion becoming visible. Soonyoung scurried over, zipped Chan’s and Minghao’s jackets closed and huddled them together under one umbrella to leave more for the others. Jun again began to smile, while he spun in the rain with water running from his hair and the tank top stuck to his skin. Maybe the cool water was refreshing to him and giving him new strength, although Chan could see him grit his teeth when he bent his knees and strained his thighs. Chan was sure he could see the tremor of his overworked muscles, but dawn was coming and he was going to make it until sunrise eventually.

The way he abruptly stopped moving when the sun peeked over the city’s edge looked strange. Then, Mingyu was by his side to catch him, lift him on his back and carry him to the elevator, and Chan, Minghao and Soonyoung followed him. When they arrived at their room, Minghao pulled the drenched top over Jun’s head, Soonyoung fetched some towels and Chan dried his hair. When he was somewhat dry, he finally was allowed to lie down and Chan also climbed up to his bed. Minghao threw a few blankets from his bed down, Soonyoung spread them over his exhausted friend, slipped under the covers and pulled Jun into his arms.

It was that first time Chan found Jun in his bed after one of those nights. Soonyoung was already up, but Minghao still slept soundly. Chan couldn’t help but laugh. Apart from the colour of the half buried tuft of unruly hair that was showing, the two heaps of tangled blankets on the other bunk bed looked exactly the same. Jun stirred. Chan covered his mouth, he didn’t want to wake up his friend, but he only pulled the blankets further over his head. Chan climbed down the ladder and waddled to the kitchen where he found Soonyoung with Mingyu, who looked like a zombie. They were cooking up something to eat that looked suspiciously like ramen – but what more could you expect after such a night. Chan didn’t recall anyone going to sleep before dawn, but he also hadn’t really paid attention to his surroundings after some point. Apparently, most of them were still asleep, although it was almost early afternoon. He took a glance in the living room where Seungkwan and Hansol were sitting on the couch. Maybe they had got more sleep. In the kitchen, Soonyoung filled a glass with water and handed it to Chan: “Can you wake up Junhui? He should drink something, and I’ll bring him some food in a few minutes.” Chan put the glass down on the windowsill, sat down on the edge of Jun’s bed and pulled the covers back. Junhui was a sound sleeper. Shaking him awake wasn’t easy, but Chan still tried to treat him with care.

Finally, Jun blinked his eyes open, stretched and rubbed his shoulder where Chan had touched him. “ How do you feel?”, Chan whispered. Jun made a face and rasped out something unintelligible. Chan waited for him to sit up and gave him the water, which he emptied slowly. “My everything hurts”, he complained. Then he laid back down and made space for Chan to sit on the mattress next to him. “Poor Junnie”, he commented. “My head hurts”, Jun began, “My face hurts.” Chan caressed his hair that was all stuck together on his forehead. He felt like a mother looking after her sick child. “My throat hurts, my neck and my shoulders”, he continued to list, “and my back, and my tummy also hurts. My legs hurt, and my butt, and my feet feel like they’re falling off.” “Soonyoung will be here with food in a minute”, Chan announced, “maybe that can make your tummy better.” Jun’s face lit up, although he was still looking pretty much beat. Suddenly, a head was hanging in front of Chan’s nose. “Good morning!”, Minghao declared, “Did someone say food?”

When Soonyoung and Mingyu arrived at their room carrying four bowls, the three of them were sitting up against the wall snuggled together in their blankets. “Good morning, Junnie!”, Soonyoung greeted him, “You were wonderful!” “You really looked beautiful”, Mingyu bent down to caress his hair and kiss him on the forehead, only to proceed to bump his head on Minghao’s bed. Chan winced. “Thanks, Gyu”, Jun beamed. After all of them were cuddled up in the blankets with their food and had thanked Mingyu, Soonyoung sent him back to bed. “Try to get some more sleep”, he smiled. Except for occasional slurping noises from Jun, they ate in silence. All of them were staving and nobody felt like talking much. What was there to say? “Everything hurts”, Jun whined again. Minghao caressed his cheek. Soonyoung made a sympathetic face for a few seconds, until his grin returned: “But that was so cool! You looked so good! And you really made it through the whole night. I’m so proud of you! How was it?” “Strange”, Jun recounted, “I really danced with the moon... At some point, I stopped hearing the music and just felt it, and stopped seeing you, only the darkness and the light”, he bit down on his nail, “Maybe I was light, too... I don’t have the words to describe it.” They stayed like that for a while until Jun got sleepy and his head dropped on Chan’s shoulder. Then, they all climbed into their own beds and slept through the afternoon.

Jun spent the most part of the following days in bed. Soonyoung forced him to go on short walks, “because light exercise is good for sore muscles” (“Yes, for sore muscles, but not for sore feet”, was Jun’s answer). Most of the time, at least one of the dancers was sitting on his bed, especially Minghao and Chan who enjoyed pretending that their hyung was the small one for once. Chan babied Jun, he brought him food, played games with him and even read books to him, while Minghao couldn’t resist to laugh at him at every opportunity. Jun hated being forced to lay still, so he again and again waved his arms in the air or sat up abruptly, only to complain about sore muscles he “didn’t even know existed”, which caused Minghao to break down in fits of giggles. Soonyoung joined them in both babying and laughing, but he was very busy, and he was glad when all of his dancers were fully recovered again.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Are things making sense yet? What do you guys think? I appreciate all comments, especially if you noticed something that seems off about language or the characterisations. Thank you for reading!


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